How to Improve Your Relationships

How to Improve Your Relationships

When you fall in love,  it’s likely that you can’t see many flaws in the person you’ve chosen. If you or your loved one lacks the skills to nurture and improve the relationship, you may begin to see some annoying qualities before the 2nd year.

Clients come to me for help with deciding whether to stay or leave a relationship. This is often the eleventh hour and desperate feelings require hard work to make this decision.

First, I have the client state all the things that are bothering them about the other person. Every tic and burp. Every undone bed and rude lid-up toilet seat. Every untidy or too tidy habit. You can imagine how varied the complaints are.

But you have to get it all out. Leave nothing unsaid (to me) or in your journal. Make a list if you’re inclined.

Second, I ask the client to list all the qualities she recalls that were attractive and engaging during the first parts of the relationship. I ask her to be very detailed in her memories. Being mindful during this part of the exercise is essential to success.

Take the good memories and make them bright, colorful and energetic. Recall other qualities and exaggerate them.

Make the memories larger and louder. Feel the intensity you felt then, making it even stronger.

Now take the time to compare the two. What do you see, hear, feel?

You may realize that what you don’t like now is just a different manifestation of what you were attracted to in the beginning. There may be a good chance that you can see the change in yourself rather than your partner.

Mindfulness practice, self-hypnosis and life coaching can help.